This Can Never Not Be Real: A compelling, heartbreaking and hopeful book for fans of Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, Jennifer Niven and Holly Jackson. by Sera Milano

Author:Sera Milano [Milano, Sera]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2021-04-28T18:30:00+00:00

NINETEEN

PEACHES

I don’t know how long I was alone in that room for. It’s not that time was flying, it was more like it had stopped. My heartbeat, which had been so loud I was sure it would give me away, fell silent and still. Even my breathing was deadened by the velvet curtain, laying thick and heavy round me like a new sweep of snow. I stood there long enough to learn every snare in the fabric.

Eleven steps to come into the room. Twelve to leave. More as he passed along the hallway, checked into other rooms. In my snowed-under silence I counted him out of earshot and still didn’t move.

I’d survived. I’d survived in the kind of childish hiding place I used to use when I was nine years old and didn’t want to go to the school canteen by myself. The kind of hiding place I’d get hauled out of by teachers too used to my tricks, who’d seen my patent-leather shoes sticking out at the bottom of the curtain.

I survived because the drapes were thick enough to swamp even me.

And because the gunman had entered the room looking for someone, and found a window open and a boy broken beneath. They didn’t know there was anyone else to find.

Three times I’d survived.

Three times lucky. They never tell you what happens on time number four.

I didn’t know if March and Joe were still alive or if fate had traded three lives for mine, a bargain even I would have said was a bad deal.

When I finally left, it was without looking out of the window. Something tugged in me to see for myself – something the counsellor they have us see likes to call closure – but I don’t want to close that friendship. I know Moz died. I know that if I visit his house all I’ll see are his features in the faces of his family. I know they’re going through unimaginable loss. I know I’ll never see him again.

But I do, when I close my eyes. I see him smiling, hair windswept as he leans back between gantry bars with his arms spread out like wings. And he’s safe now. He’s safe.

So I didn’t look out of the window. But I knew if I stayed too long I wouldn’t be able to resist.

I counted my steps to the door. Fifteen. And three more into the hallway.

Where someone was standing, more blood than boy.

JOE

It got so quiet when the shooting stopped.

They must have blown the lock off the door, because it opened under a kick. I heard, wasn’t watching. I was flat on my back, Doug heavy and still against my chest. His blood was soaking through me. I hadn’t thought he could have had that much left.

The last word I heard Sam say was ‘Mum?’

He didn’t lay back far enough. The bullet went straight through his throat, clipped his spine. Would have been quick.

His phone stayed on. It was his sister, not his mum, on the other end.

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